Relapse part 1 million

Overdose, leave myself in comatose, my brains grown an overgrowth for love of drugs so further most, I find pills everywhere even under clothes, I’m a, pill popper, constant cryingnonstopper, dreams of being a copper or a doctor I can’t prosper, I’m stuck in a locker, with no code,my brain explodes,emotional episodes, I have yet to let go, thinking bout decimals, decibals, problems with my gastrointestinal, when I talk people look at me like I’m extraterrestrial, man, all I’m doin is standing next to you, our lives just started we have yet to prove. -featuring a stain on my shirt 

Divided Thoughts-Poem

Hearts broken,no suture, 

I’m tryna see the future,

bad thoughts n a bad humor,

always bullied an rumored,

Drug addictions like a tumor,

But it’s up to you,are you gonna go pick up and use?

Is it worth it, we could all walk through,

Let’s get together,tell our stories and let go of the blue,

Jump out that dark cloud! Ignore all those dark sounds, 

Lonely when no ones around? Plenty of stuff to besides ly down,

Don’t pop a perc💊, cuz it doesn’t work, 

Don’t lurk, go berserk, no matter how much it hurts,

Take a breather, true reliver, not pills or revenge,

Because you’ll be the one that’s lonely again,

No friends I know you feel as if your lifes at its end,

But don’t break. Just bend, the hard times will end, 

Keep that smile on your face even though you pretend, 

we will make it through the whole tunnel cuz we can, we may not see the light yet but if I reach I can,

 yes we can yes we can,understand I’m that type of man,to give up from mistakes I made in my own hands, 

go demand that SUPPORT, go demand some RESPECT, even if your on Percocet,

Addicts can’t do it alone,sittin 4 walls at home, my high is always blown, if only I would have known,

We are the new century,STUCK on our phones, we are just like clones, our burgers filled with growth hormones?

Man brother who knows, I guess this goes to show how deep our thinking can go.
Hope you enjoyed poem it got deleted for some strange reason. I relapsed but starting detox today. 

The Truth-Poem

I always hate myself,

I really need some help,

With all that I have dealt,

The feelings I have felt,

Dirty habits, “drug addict”,

Why is life so tragic?

Be beautiful, for me,

looking in the mirror I see,

Not what I want to be,

I look away I’m free,

But never from my thoughts,

Or the feelings that were caught,

It’s not what I’ve been taught,

It’s every time I fought,

Frustrations with relations,

Occasions and situations,

I still find myself..stuck.

I can’t pick myself…up.

Self Esteem? You still there?

Man oh man do I feel like the ugliest piece of matter walking on this Earth today. Where do these emotions come from? Have humans always compared themselves to each other since the beginning of time? What do we do to fix this and have some confidence. For once I want to be like dang. I ain’t so bad. Maybe it’s the withdrawals maybe it’s the depression. Whatever it is it needs to go away and fast. I woke up in tremors and hot/cold sweats from benzodiazepine withdrawal. Only took .25 clonazepam yesterday, half of what I was expecting to take. Honestly pushing myself a little more then I should and my body is suffering the consequences. Probably going to write a poem today. Stay positive and I hope no one else feels the same way I do. 

How To Overcome Depression

https://youtu.be/kKcRSboPgU4 
Watch whole video, link above, we are all a family getting through this together. Depression will pass just as the seasons do. Who are you? If your reading this you obviously still have hope. Grab every bit of that hope and triple it and make your life spectacular! 

and of course here are 2 photos to top this post off✨stay positive everyone!!


Another Poem?👀Indeed so

Leaves fall, seasons change, and so do emotions,

Yell and cry, ask them why, is their always commotion, 

On the path, the aftermath, I feel I’m in slow motion,

Recovery, is what’s become of me, I let that just soak in, 

It’s summer but it’s so cold, almost frost and freezing snow,

The sun is out, and I’m about, but of course, I have to pout,

It’s a cycle I will break, give or take, all these aches, 

It’s like a devil inside my head, i thought that “He’s finally dead!”, as soon as I wake up in the bed….

He’s awake, he’s hungry, and he hasn’t ate, he told me to take a couple pills before it’s too late, never let that one thought go and chose your fate, don’t say “same” if you CANNOT relate, don’t say “lame” when people don’t go party and do drugs like everyone else does.. 

-Lake McDonald, why? Because it’s beauty we are missing out on when we sit their and sulk. Don’t let the demons take over you. Get up, get fresh air, eat ur favorite food, pamper yourself, just don’t use drugs, or any addiction of any sort it doesn’t have to be drugs guys. Stay strong and I hope you enjoyed❤️cheers.

Motivation is Key my friends

Here is a list of 5 keys to keep that motor of motivation going on this Monday. 

  1. 🔑 Feelings are temporary, so do not act upon them.
  2. 🔑Exercise, no, seriously, EXERCISE! Whether your 80 pounds to 500, any way you are straining your body to do better will release happy endorphins that relieve anxiety and help with depression
  3. 🔑It’s all about your attitude towards the world. Have a positive attitude? In the end your guarenteed a positive outcome.
  4. 🔑Eat healthy, you’d be surprised at how the food you eat effects your mood and motivation. You never know, yes your climbing a big hill with a lot of risks but if you work hard, a million dollars could be sitting at the top. You pick your future by your actions.
  5. 🔑And last,but not least, so cliché to say lol, love conquers all. Worry less and live in the NOW. Yeah, right now. Not the future, not the past, but RIGHT NOW! I’ll explain how to do this better in tomorrow’s blog. Together, we can conquer the world, we can take on any battle, any where, at any time if we all come together, embrace different cultures, and learn how to love. Everything will be fine. Together wE Achieve More-TEAM💪🏻now let’s make smart decisions,continue to our goals in life because we can we will and we shall, and get outside and make a difference!! Cheers and much love-Franklin 

First Day, millionth time…

It all started with a young boy with plenty of knowledge, but used it in ways that would kill him in the end. Baby steps they would call it, as I walked towards the medicine cabinet and researched which medication would fill the void. I was very depressed and sadly I still am. As a child to pre-teen, to even now being 17, my self esteem is nonexistent, I’m a scrawny tall guy, as your probably wondering what I look like, Here ya go. 

    I know no one will probably read this, but just in case I don’t make it through this is all documented. I was 12 years old when I took my first benzodiazepine. Which is a sedative used for anxiety, seizures, and sleep. I didn’t know I had the devil all in one bottle. I searched online to realize to “fill the void”, which actually was getting messed up, I had to take 3 or 4. So you know good ole frank took 7 at once, and I felt like Superman. All my confidence was back, and I didn’t have trouble socializing( I have Autism), I thought i had just found the cure to everything, but in the end, it was killing me, and fast. Especially at age 14 when I took my first OxyContin 10mg, was allergic, and puked for 8 hours. But..guess what? A year later? I find myself in full blown Hydrocodone addiction and still am. It got so bad I turned to morphine and I am thankful that I am even typing this today. School starts soon, and my moms never around so my anxiety is the worst it has EVER been. My father has been on heroin before I was even born and now, but a prescribed pill called Suboxone. I really looked up to my father, til I realized how crappy he was, but eh, ill get into that with another blog. Well, today, this very day, August 22nd on a Monday, I’m starting my detox again. I mean hey, why not try for the millionth time? One thing I heard from someone is even if you fail(relapse), as long as you keep trying your still winning. That gave me some hope just as much as writing this blog does. My stomachs destroyed, I cannot count how many brain cells I lost, I can barely eat and I am underweight. Meditation perhaps? Some tea? When in reality I wanna pop 5 hydros and lay in bed all day. This could be a new start for me, especially with school coming. Maybe for once I can get myself together. But I cannot do it by myself, I need support. Day 1 of Till the day I die because even if you are clean 5 years you’ll never stop thinking about drugs to cure any sadness, I mean, what do you expect when that’s the only coping mechanism I know besides cutting and no family is ever around nor TRULY accepts me. I need family right now. They all know of my drug use, and I have never stolen from them a single penny and they are rich. They don’t like me for some odd reason or maybe they just don’t have time for some measily drug addict with so many problems who maybe just wants somewhere to go, an Aunt, an Uncle, a Grandma, just somebody I can go over their for the day and have fun. Not be scared that I’m going to be judged nor criticized. Detoxing from 2mg clonazepam a day and 10mg Hydrocodone a day. I will probably only take .5 if I feel as if I’m going to have a seizure because sadly you can die from withdrawal. Everyone pray, send positive vibes, as I am on my way to succeed on the road to sobriety. Like I said, I can’t do it alone, so all the love and support I get keeps me clean. I’m scared guys. I’m truly scared. I hope everyone has a blessed day, as I shall post on Day 2, tomorrow. Cheers and thanks for reading!✨💕 Here are some daily pictures…

  Is that light at the end of the tunnel I see?

     Withdrawal can be hell, but with love and support and a little writing, maybe I can get through. Until tomorrow fellow bloggers,readers,and writers. I hope everyone has a positive drug-free blessed day.